Update

It's been a while.  Life is, in general, on an upswing.  I moved into a new apartment with my old friend.  My new job has been going great, seemingly.  The funny thing is now I have a lot to lose.  If I somehow lost my job, I would be in very hot water, as I'd have to find a way to pay my debts and my rent.  So, yeah, really hoping this continues working out.

This morning I was not feeling super great.  I was in a negative thought spiral.  Interestingly, I just started berating myself about these negative thoughts.  How can you be so negative? I chided myself.  Why don't you focus on what you DO have going for you instead of what you don't?  And that basically did the trick, I started focusing on the truth of my position in life.  My life might not be anywhere close to how I want it to be, but, realistically, whose is?  My life is really good at this point in time.

That being said, I know that I do need to improve.  I need to improve a lot.  I'm not being responsible with my money or my time.  I work hard and I'm not a complete wreck, but my goal is to be very productive outside of work and I'm usually far from it.  Maybe it's not realistic...I imagine most people have an innate need for several hours of relaxation/cool-down time after 8+ hours of work and however many hours of commuting.  Work is stressful.  But I bet there is a way to tune/calibrate one's behaviors and mindset such that productivity outside of work can be rewarding.  It probably all boils down to routines and rules.

It's tough to know how hard I should be on myself.  I'm worried that my Chinese, which was going really strong, is starting to regress heavily (again).  Another thing to add to my list of routines to build.  Sigh.

Anyway, good to get some thoughts down in print again.  It's weird how forming raw emotion into something that is regulated by spelling and grammar is kind of therapeutic.

I need to remind myself to keep improving.  Keep being productive.  Turn yourself into one of the world's most amazing people.  Don't let others slow you down or encourage bad habits.  Be brilliant.  Be awesome.